Chris Bound

Oh, they have the Internet on TV's now!

2010-05-21T12:29:00.002+01:00

Last night, I was being a gobby prick as usual, blabbing on and on about one day TV would be broadcast from the Internet to save with all the that satellite dish nonsense. Complete ramble really, had no evidence to back it up. I just thought that it made sense.

So you can imagine my surprise when I stumble upon this little video

It's the fucking future, man! Internet on your TV. Turning your entire TV schedule over to you so you can only watch the programs you want to watch. Fantastic, yeah?!

Well, yes and no really. Yes, because you can just watch the programs you want whenever you want to. Meaning that you don't have to plan your life around the TV schedule. Something that I absolutely avoid doing and thus missing out on so-called 'Great TV'.

But no, because I think it's the randomness of the TV schedule that helps us discover new TV shows. I've found some great TV just by channel hopping through the sea of bollocks that is the digital TV listings. You can't tell me that seeing 'Giant Squid vs. Mega Shark' in the listings doesn't fill you with interest.

There is also the argument that great TV is spread via word-of-mouth. Which most of it is, but I get recommended so much TV everyday it's just impractical for me to make time for it. Because if I looked up '24' on Google TV and suddenly every episode is available right in front of me, that's my day gone straight there. I've seen the first episode so I must finish the series immediately. 18 hours of life given to Jack Bauer and his brooding demeanor (For the record, I have never seen '24'. I just assume he is brooding).

So although I think this is great for the consumer as it means we can watch the TV that suites us, at a time that suites us. But it may initially hurt the struggling TV networks that rely on channel hoppers to hop onto their channel. Yes, it may force networks to create more quality programs but if there isn't enough money to do that then it's probably goodbye to traditional low budget programming and hello to 'Jack Bauer's Torture Tips'.

Tis The Season To Reform

2010-04-20T16:27:00.002+01:00

Someone once said to me that a band only reforms for financial reasons and that no band has even got back together for the sake of the fans. Despite that Rage Against The Machine are playing a free gig this summer as a thank you for their Christmas Number 1, Soundgarden have been performing for free under the name 'Nude Dragons' and The Libertines have made a number of acoustic appearances in various London Pubs.

But recently we've seen bands not only bury their hatchets and come together but also get themselves back into the studio and record new material. Some even giving it away for free.

Most notably, Blur have recorded their new single 'Fool's Day' through Parlophone and are giving it away for nothing. This may have got every 20-something indie kid salivating at the sheer thought of it, but I am personally a little disappointed. It ticks all the boxes for Blur and shows very little similarity to Albarn's other projects (Gorillaz; The Good, The Bad and The Queen) but has still yet to excite in the way that Blur used to. At best, this is an album track. Sensible listening for those looking to kick back for the summer but nothing that is going to raise the roof.

But I can't say the same for the return of Germany's Atari Teenage Riot. ATR have not only began touring across Europe but have also released new single 'Activate' as a free download. I have a bit of a soft spot for ATR. They gave a sound for every disillusioned teenager to just go nuts to. And they haven't lost their edge from when they started over 20 years ago. It's loud, aggressive and one for clubs.

If only Axl Rose would stop being such a bell-end, we might even get the original Guns'n'Roses line up to play Reading and Leeds. Who says it can't happen? Oh, Axl... shit!

Sorry Eddy - Gorillaz win!

2010-03-16T16:46:00.002Z

It broke today that singer/songwriter Eddy Grant is a tad ticked off at Gorillaz for stealing his song. It appears the dreadlocked Lothario has noticed a similarity between a portion of the new Gorillaz single 'Stylo' and his own song 'Time Warp', originally released as B-side for 'Electric Avenue'.

You can hear the two songs below and judge for yourself.

Eddy Grant - Time Warp (Play from 14 secs)

Gorillaz - Stylo (Play from 39 secs)

From first listen, it seems Eddy may have this one rapped up. But unfortunately, Gorillaz have won this. Although the rhythm and most of the notes seem to be the same, they are in fact slightly different.

If you listen again, you will hear that Eddy's song plays the same bar twice over; whereas the Gorillaz drop to a lower note at the end of the second bar. Effectively making the overall tune slightly different. Meaning that Eddy is really only calling plagiarism on 4 notes. Not really enough to make a case.

Although, Men At Work lost their case against Larrikin for ripping off the song 'Kookaburra Sits in the Old Gum Tree' for using a 'substantial part of the song'. So this case may all come down to the judge's interpretation of the word 'substantial'.

But, in my opinion, no.

NHS Death Panels?!

2009-08-12T17:43:00.002+01:00

If you don't know where this blog is heading, then please read the following article first:

http://news.scotsman.com/world/Obama39s-first-prescription-for-American.5022595.jp

Now, as you can see Barack Obama has begun a very serious plan to introduce a NHS style healthcare system into the United States. Ok? Yeah? So what? Exactly, so what. The NHS is a great British institution. True it has it's flaws but that's why it's the free option. Sure, if you can afford it then go private but the NHS entitles that everyone in the country can receive free healthcare with no questions asked.

But this has thrown a shit-storm through America's right wing media, especially Fox News, who claim that this is socialism. Oh No! Socialism! You mean Americans will have to start helping each other instead of themselves. Well, we can't have that. And so Fox and various other journalists have begun to use the NHS as a whipping boy. Beating it to a pulp with horror stories (That aren't that bad) and the gruesome and horrific Death Panels... Hang on, Death Panels? What?

Yes, Sarah Palin (remember her) has come out to claim that Obama's NHS will include 'death panels' where they decide who is worth saving based on their level of health.

The Sarah Palin speech is here:

http://www.facebook.com/note.php?note_id=113851103434

Of course, this 'death panel' phrase was quickly debunked as horseshit by pretty much everyone with a frontal lobe. However the Republican's are enjoying the theme of this 'who is worthy of life?' angle that they are playing it at every chance they get. Recently, Stephen Hawking was used as an example as someone would most likely be left to die under the NHS. Wait? Sorry again? Hawkers!

Yep, once again some Republican supporters show themselves of the grand idiots of the world by stating that the NHS would have seen Stephen Hawking as 'worthless' due to his lack of health. Despite not realising that Hawkers was in fact born, raised and still resides in the UK. While in which time he has received treatment from the NHS throughout the entire span of his illness claiming 'I wouldn't be here if not for the NHS'.

Although the original quote has been removed from it's document, it can still be found here:

http://www.boingboing.net/2009/08/11/anti-health-care-loo.html

And Hawking's reaction piece is here:

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1205953/NHS-branded-evil-Orwellian-high-level-US-politicians.html

But it doesn't stop there. The right-wing US media are so adamant about winning this PR war they have brought in one of our own. Daniel Hannan is the MEP for South East England under the Conservatives and has been spreading like cancer across all the American news networks to talk about the travesty that is the NHS. But who exactly is he? Well, essentially he is a shit-stirrer. His entire political career has been one long moan. The kind of politician I hate. One that criticises the state of the status quo but offers nothing by way of a solution. And that's precisely what he is now doing in the States. Bad mouthing the NHS with feeble stories about waiting hours to be seen by a doctor (suck it up, pussback!) and has been quoted by calling the NHS 'a mistake for 60 years'. But as David Cameron, leader of the Conservatives, is leading his party in the next election by promising a re-vamp of the NHS, it seems Hannan can't even make his point of view clear to his own peers.

Videos of this prick gallivanting around US TV giving us his party trick by shitting through his mouth can be found below:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foOxAeHuhAQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=spI4Aetab3w

I'm not really sure how to end this blog because I know that tomorrow there will be more news coming out of the States about the NHS which aren't true. And I think it's disgusting what they are doing to the integrity of the workers. The doctors and nurses at NHS hospitals work longer hours and are paid less to those in the US. But are saving lives everyday because they feel it's what they should do, not to ask them if they can afford the treatment. So whatever you're opinions are on the NHS, I'm sure you wouldn't change it for the world.

The BNP and Me

2009-06-28T19:52:00.002+01:00

If you can't arsed to read this then I have recorded it as a podcast that you can listen to here: http://chrisbound.podbean.com/2009/06/26/bnp/

On the 5th June, at 2am, I was watching Sky News. Which is definitely something I recommend, especially if you have trouble sleeping due to the fear it seems to perpetuate. In about 20 minutes of watching this, I was convinced that my normal middle class neighbours were in fact a gaggle of Asian terrorists secretly breeding pitbulls with sharks in order to make a dog so full of bloodlust it’ll probably get lose and come round my house, punch my in the balls and eat my baby. This is of course the baby I accidentally conceived with a stranger by sitting too far forward on a unisex toilet. Complete piffle but in the realm of Sky News, highly plausible.
But the most noticeable thing about Sky News is of course the bright red banner displaying the words ‘Breaking News’. Something that Sky have up so often it has completely lost it’s affect. As all it does is show whatever the last piece of breaking news was until a newer one is dropped onto the editor’s desk in a very 1950’s Chicago Times kind of way. However all this attention on one story, that’s mostly feeble or over-exaggerate anyway, renders the whole thing boring in a matter of minutes. Something that was born on the screen less than an hour ago can become stale so quickly you begin hopelessly flicking on to Babestation in the hope of catching some minge. That was until the 5th June at 2am when Sky went into meltdown over the news that had just been reported. It simply said ‘BREAKING NEWS: BNP elected into European Parliament’.
After you return from the toilet because of the instant bowel movement you receive after those words reverberate around your ear for the first time, you then have to begin to digest them.
The first thing that I thought, was what an amazing oxymoron that phrase was. Here we have an extreme, right-wing, anti-European political party being voted into the European parliament to represent the British people in Europe. That must have been one of the most awkward government meetings ever.

Nick Griffin: Morning Krauts… Frogs… Polskis… I’d like to introduce myself, my name is Nick Griffin and I’m here on behalf of the British People to say ‘fuck your unified currency, fuck your cheap alcohol and fuck your liberal views towards prostitutes’

Just televise it round the clock and watch Britain suddenly swing it’s political pendulum to the left and we drag him out by his weird nazi trousers.
I’ve actually started a sweepstake to see which one of the countries will be the first to kick half a tonne of shit out of him. Only half a tonne, as the Europeans are very eco-friendly. I reckon it’s gonna be the Italians. Just wait for him to stand up one day and watch this cavalcade of scooters and Fiat Puntos flying towards in. If BBC Parliament suddenly becomes a Pay-Per-View service, that’s when you get down the bookies and start watching.
I’d love to see Nick Griffin traveling round Europe. Just watching him driving round Italy and he’s the only one wearing a crash helmet. And he’s in the back seat of a car. Being driven around in an old mini cooper with a union jack on it, which of course he’ll think is a bold two fingers approach to the Italians dealing with a gang of gold thieves from a fictional film in the 1960’s starring Michael Caine. When really, it just makes the sniper’s job easier.
Cos that did annoy me after he got elected. A few days later he was making a press conference about his win and suddenly protesters appear and begin pelting him with eggs. Which is really not on, you know. There’s a recession on for fuck sake. Eggs are like £4 a dozen at the moment. Now rocks. Their free. And freely available from almost any roadside. Actually fuck that, we’ll wait until he does a press conference from Brighton. Take him down to the beach and just wait to see how long it takes him to work out that Brighton beach is all of a sudden pebble-less. Tell the Scots about it. Any accuse to bludgeon a discriminative Englishman, eh. Tell them this can dress as William Wallace and just watch them move from out of the highlands.
A lot of people have also crammed the BNP in with the Nazis, which is fair as some of their policies have a lot in common. But one similarity did in fact chill me to the core. You may have heard of the Hitler’s Youth, where small but select groups of children were kept entertained socially by each other while at the same time were force fed the ideals of the Nazi government. Yeah, turns the out the BNP have the same thing. Young kids are being turned into little fascists under to regime of their boss-eyed, podgy, pleb who probably has more DNA in common with a pumice stone than he does with you or me. And how many of you thought the same thing I did after hearing that. What’s wrong with Scouts? You know, dib-dab-dob, or yabba-dabba-do or summat with that 3 fingered salute. Come on? Whats wrong with that? Instead we’ve got this hideous mutant hybrid.

SCOUT LEADER: Gather round everyone. Now everyone, Timmy has completed another task in order to collect another badge so congratulate him on getting his Level 2 lynching badge. (clapping) Now kids did everyone remember to bring in their white pillow cases?
KIDS: Yeah!
SL: Great! So everyone put them on your head and me and Scout Leader Herr Bill will get things started. Here Timmy, as you’ve done so well this week, you can set fire to the cross.

Makes you wonder what really goes on in there. Are they making there toggles from the vertebrae of a Hungarian asylum seeker or something. To be honest I wouldn’t put it passed them.

But I do have a point to this ramble and basically it’s this. The BNP think that the boarders of a country have an importance to the identity of a person. Which they don’t. Your nationality is nothing more than wherever your mother happened to be standing when her water broke. That’s it. But people believe that Great Britain is great because it’s in our blood and only true blood Britain’s should be allowed to live and work here. And if that’s your opinion, I won’t argue with it because it’s an opinion and everyone is entitled to one. But if you are sitting at home round right now because you are unemployed and have been blaming it on immigrants and asylum seekers taking your job, think about exactly what you’re saying. You’re saying that someone who doesn’t speak a word of English, hasn’t been given a British education which currently stands as the best in Europe and has no understanding of the culture, etiquette or traditions of this land… can do your job better than you can. Hmm… Maybe it’s time you got out of the fucking country. Great Britain was made great by people of all nations working together who worked their arses off and earned the right to be here and didn’t sponge there lives away by exploiting the welfare system. Hopefully that’ll stick in some people’s mind and someone at British Airways will be trying helplessly to explain to the shareholders why single fare tickets to Benidorm are up 4000%.

Green Day - 21st Century Breakdown - A Review

2009-05-15T16:05:00.004+01:00

Green Day hold a special place in my heart. When I was 12, I bought a copy of Green Day's 97 album 'Nimrod' after hearing the song 'Hitchin' A Ride' on MTV late at night. I loved every moment of it and it started my love affair with music. Green Day are responsible for the obseesive compulsive muso you now see before you. I own all the Green Day albums (minus the live ones) and they are, without a shadow of a doubt, the best band I have ever seen live. Fact.

This is just to give you the context in which this review is written. From someone who discovered Green Day at 12, writing about their latest release now aged 23. Shit they have been with me almost half my life. Wow, anyway on with the review.

Green Day have always been a fairly predictable band. By 2004 they had released 7 studio albums, 3 of which were giant success stories (Dookie 94, Nimrod 97, American Idiot 04). However these successes were not a smooth progression. Between those 3 success came 2 other albums (Insomniac 95, Warning 00). Both of these albums could have been tagged as the 'tricky second album'. The album that all bands with a hit record try create again, usually failing.

Now I'm not saying they were a complete failure, because if they were then Green Day would have lost their career a long time ago. But what Green Day did exert two of the most common examples of what the 'tricky second album' sounds like. You either end up with a B-Side album (an album cut from the same vein as the success, just not as catchy) or the experimental album (an off-the-cuff gamble some bands take in order to stay edgy). There is a third choice which is to simply have another hit record which is easier said than done.

So what does that make 21st Century Breakdown? Is it a B-side record or an experimental one? Well, honestly, it's both. There are two tracks that show this better than the others. Lead single 'Know Your Enemy' obviously has the anti-American conotations that made 'American Idiot' a success. But if you listen to it carefully. There is something nostalgic about the riff and progression of the song. Then you realise it's from 'Insomniac'. The song sounds like it was stripped from the album 'Insomniac' and given the 'American Idiot' treatment. Which is understandable as both of these albums are written in the shadow of a more fomidable success. And the song 'Peacemaker' almost sounds like they are playing 'Warning's 'Jackass' and 'Misery' over the top of one another.

However these two are probably two of the best on the album, as well as the amazingly catchy 'East Jesus Nowhere'. Most of the rest is easily forgettable Green Day blurs. They seem to zoom past without you registering what they were. Still it does what any Green Day record should do. It's fast, it let's you chant words occasionally, and helps keep you awake (it's never boring)

Although as a life long Green Day fan, I will probably buy it. But I'm in no rush really. I reckon it'll be on sale the first week of summer.

5/10

P.S. 'Horseshoes and Handgrenades' IS a Hives track. Listen to it and you'll know what I mean.

Feminist Toilets

2009-05-04T16:53:00.002+01:00

What if Disney produced Terminator: Salvation?

2009-05-04T01:59:00.002+01:00

Internet Could Lose Voice

2009-04-15T14:03:00.004+01:00

You'll have a choice when reading this blog. You can either read it and absorb my opinions on the story or read the story for yourself and gather your own thoughts on it.

The article I'm referring to is here.

In a nutshell, the United States Senate are trying to push through two new laws, referred to as Bills 773 and 778. These bills are proposing that the American Government have complete control over the Internet, including whether to shut it down temporarily or not. It would allow the Government unprecedented access to any information sorted online anywhere. Public records, bank details, visas, utilities, power generators would all be controlled by the Government and halted if a 'Cyber-Attack' were launched.

The Government have, of course, defended their reasons. Stating that hackers could be stopped in their tracks from breaking into an online bank account and stealing the money by simply turning off the Internet. It would work but who is it there to protect? If someone broke into my bank account and stole my last £20, shutting down the Internet would not be a logical solution. So what would this power be used for?

Well, the most common issue this bill has raised is towards America's first amendment, the right to free speech. America's paranoia around everything since 9/11 has been growing to such gargantuan size, I'm surprised they haven't collapsed under a sea of their own ignorance. These bills seem to be yet another hallmark of a terrified United States.

A passage of the bill reads : The legislation "addresses our country's unacceptable vulnerability to massive cyber crime, global cyber espionage and cyber attacks that could cripple our critical infrastructure." Not backed up by examples or case studies of cyber attacks, but the rhetoric is pretty damn good. The one sentence that best describes these bills has the words: Vulnerable, Crime, Espionage, Attack and Cripple. Here is a lesson in how to pitch a new law.

But back to issue about freedom of speech. Cyber Crime, I'm guessing, is what I mentioned earlier about hackers robbing banks, Cyber Espionage is I think the workings of a new James Bond online game and Cyber Attacks well, who the fuck knows. So as the bills vagueness begins to show, the more paranoid the Internet community becomes. Because by having a law that gives general directions in which the law will swing rather than pin point examples and structure, the law is open to exploitation. Is a Cyber Attack, a fundamentally religious group discussing plans for a terrorist attack or some kid calling Obama a knob? Well, as it stands so far, both are. Which is why there is concern that even verbal attacks on the Government could be as serious as an actual attack.

The Senator defending this bill, and I believe it's creator, is Senator Jay Rockafeller who has said "We must protect our critical infrastructure at all costs – from our water to our electricity, to banking, traffic lights and electronic health records – the list goes on." This seems to me that the Government have gotten two things wrong here. First they trusted a man named Jay Rockafeller with a seat in the Senate, and secondly from this last quote, it seems that the Senator is planning to stop the threat of Die Hard 4 happening.

'Mr Senator, why is protecting the security of traffic lights one of the main things that this bill is designed to defend?'

'Well, you'll remember when Bruce Willis and Justin Long nearly died when Timothy Olyphant turned all the traffic lights to green. This can never happen again!'

But on a serious note, I would like to know what everyone thinks about this. I'm swayed that this is a vicious circle of paranoia. The Government is becoming paranoid of the world and is so trying to monitor the world's views of America, and the American people not trusting their Government and using it as a stepping stone to a more totalitarian Government.

But I think these bills shouldn't be passed because of what the Internet is. It is a forum that ultimately promotes freedom of speech. Nobody can own the Internet because we own it and we shape it in whatever way we want. And to have someone try and monitor or censor it in any way, regardless of there intentions, could probably spell the end to the world's connection to itself.

Good Friday Train Announcement

2009-04-11T19:28:00.000+01:00

Train Announcer: 'The 2227 to Oxford has been delayed due to a fatality'

Me: 'Jesus is really milking it, eh?'

The most entertaining thing all day!!!

2009-04-06T17:43:00.001+01:00

Here's a link to a PC world article which asks the question: 'What would Satan's Facebook page look like?'

They answer it as well as many others. All fantastically satirical. Check it out

http://www.pcworld.com/article/162166/facebook_pages_wed_like_to_see.html

It's helped me become an even larger hermit!

2009-04-05T13:34:00.002+01:00

The Sunday Express Dunblane Issue

2009-03-18T14:51:00.002Z

Ok, being someone who has spent a few years working in the media industry and heavily educated in the subject. I can usually see through most of the industries vain attempts to manipulate the ideas and opinions of the masses they are trying to engage.

However, these bunch of fuckwits are exactly what I hate most about the control the newspapers have over their readers.

Recently, The Sunday Express in Scotland ran a front page story entitled 'Anniversary Shame Of Dunblane Survivors'. The story involved journalist (make a note) Paula Murray, writing how the survivors of the tragic Dunblane School Massacre, where 16 children and one teacher were shot dead, were 'boasting about sex and getting drunk'. Apparently, shock horror, now that the survivors have turned 18, they have started drinking, and smoking, and getting tattoos, and swearing, and well... 'being 18' I think the combined phrase. This however was enough to get the Express all up in right royal huff.

But that's not what I'm truly, utterly, and quite frankly dangerously pissed off about. It was the conduct in which the information for this story is gathered.

Some of you may know the term 'libel'. It's a basic law that states what a newspaper can and can't print when it comes to news. One of it's by-laws is that minors are to be kept anonymous. So when Dunblane happened, there was no mention of the names of the dead or survivors in any newspaper. That was until they turned 18, now legally adults, and their identities splashed all over the tabloids.

But it doesn't stop there, the journalist (once again, write it down) Paula Murray managed to get the information by befriending the teens on Facebook. Gaining access to all of their private information and using it to shame a bunch of innocent teenagers who had done nothing wrong except for surviving the worst school massacre this country has ever seen.

Now the Express are doing their best to cover up any evidence to this. They have removed the story from the website and are not answering any direct questions to this article. But what is a giant frustration is that the regulator for newspapers does not accept public complaints. Only if you are in the story itself can you complain.

But this story needs to gain coverage. I'm sick of newspapers making false and untrue claims about peoples personal lives, or writing bias stories to affect the opinion of the reader rather than writing what actually happened. But what has happened here is just plain sick. These poor kids who have had their anonymity, private lives and their dignity ripped from them just because Paula Murray couldn't think of anything else to write about.

If youu want to help expose The Express for what they did, the join the Facebook group here: http://www.facebook.com/home.php#/group.php?gid=55873492636

And if you want any more information on the topic, here's Graham Lineham's blog. He has far info on the subject than me with some handier links: http://whythatsdelightful.wordpress.com/2009/03/18/the-express-wins-the-race-to-the-bottom/

Don't let this get swept under the carpet. Newspapers need to learn to respect people.

Hey, That Was My Idea!

2009-03-17T23:11:00.000Z

Sexy Graph!

2009-03-17T13:50:00.004Z

Here be a graph made by students of Wellesley College in the States, that shows what the virginity rate is between different subjects...

So if you're planning a trip to uni soon, may I recommend Studio Art!

I Fucking Love This Kid!

2009-03-15T19:56:00.003Z

Sexism Can Be A Nice Thing

2009-03-15T19:49:00.002Z

Sometimes, signs say more than people ever could...

read more | digg story

Ear Down!

2009-03-15T16:41:00.002Z

I knew this was inevitable, what with all the loud music and sounds that invades my ear everyday. But I think my right ear has finally knackered itself. Either that or it's just full of wax. But still that means about 50% or more of my hearing is currently MIA. Which is always a bit of a bummer.

As for recent news, the radio show is doing almost dangerously well. I was told it was over a 1000 people listening to one show a few weeks ago but that was with a lot of promotion on Myspace and Facebook to get the word out. So last night, I did the show but didn't remind anyone about it and it still had 200 people who listened from start to finish, not to mention others that ducked in and out throughout the show. That's 200 hardcore fans of the show! Awesome in it's own way.

I also checked out the stats on my podcast and it turns out I have a following in South Korea. I've had just over 100 downloads of the podcasts, 7 of which came from South Korea. I have no idea who that it, but thanks anyway.

I'm having a recovery day today (which may or may not involve seeing Watchmen) due to a weekend of excess. Both financially and alcoholically (Wow, that's a word!)

I will have a proper opinionated update soon because I know no-one cares about these personal posts. So next time I have something to say, I'll say it then.

Ta!

Why... Mr. Obama

2009-03-05T14:50:00.001Z

If this doesn't fill you with utter joy, then you must be dead!

Fail Ad!

2009-03-04T16:54:00.001Z

Found this in passing... Although I don't seem to be the only one passing something

Slight fame

2009-03-01T13:34:00.001Z

Woo! I'm in an advert... I think. Well, I got a cheque for it but have yet to see myself in it. Please inform me if you do...

Bored, so I'll write

2009-02-24T01:19:00.002Z

It's late, very late!

I just got back from London with a drink with the old XFM crew when I realised I still had work to do. Which includes uploading a radio show to the station's playout system. Which always takes about half an hour so I thought I'd make an entry to kill the time.

Currently I have only one functioning ear. At least I think the other is bust. Can't hear out of it and am having trouble with equilibrium. Which usually means a burst ear drum. But at least I can still hear the tapping of the keyboard so it's not all gone.

Got another busy week ahead. Hopefully not as bad as last week, which included two trips to London. One for a long meeting type thing at Global Radio. The other, filming an advert for lastminute.com. There was also a few birthdays and minor celebrations that all required a drink.

This week, yet another trip to London to eat Sushi with someone I met at the advert. Then to Guildford to celebrate the 15th aniversary of Bill Hick's death. Which I'm hoping will be nothing but good.

Oh yeah, and the good folks at Hit Music Radio are thinking of moving me around the schdule soon. So hopefully this is to give me more airtime because I'm that good, and not less time because I'm a burden to their good name.

Well, it just finished uploading so I think it's back to work for a bit then bed.

Selah!

Forced Inspiration

2009-02-22T14:17:00.002Z

I have decided to call this entry 'Forced Inspiration' because I what to write something down, the only problem... what?

Since starting my podcast (Which by the way is at http://chrisbound.podbean.com), I have very little to rant about these days. As all the things that I want to talk about are either in a podcast or soon to be in a podcast.

I guess I could talk about the podcast and say that it's the greatest thing since ... well, who knows. It's just me ranting for a few minutes each week about idiots and the world of bizzareness. Although it is harder than it sounds because sometimes I read a story that boils the blood and I think 'yes, this will make for a fantastic rant!'. Then I remember that the podcast is supposed to be funny, so I scrap it for something funny... like a badger stuck in an exhaust pipe.

Yes, the ramblings are a-comin so I think i'll stop there. But listen to the podcast... please :)

http://chrisbound.podbean.com
http://chrisbound.podbean.com
http://chrisbound.podbean.com

Val-En-Tines-A-Comin

2009-02-09T14:57:00.002Z

Shit, piss, ball-monkeys and other great swearing still to come, the great war of Valentine's Day is soon upon us.

And of course, it is a war. An emotional war! A war between the depressed and lonely singletons and the loved-up but probably still depressed couples. We fight for the upper hand to see which out of us is the dominant force over Valentine's Day. Although recently, I don't think we've been fighting as much as we used to. I've noticed that the couples among us are just as put off by the idea of Valentine's Day as the singletons. But why I hear you scream at your monitor? Why do we hate to love?

The answer of course is because it's shit! It's shit to be in love because when we are in love we do things that any normal person would see as a bad fucking move! Take the example of a crush. When you have a crush, you automatically start texting cheesy comments over to them (although at the time they seem suave and aloof), you do things that cost extremely large amounts of money and time just to see them for a few minutes and most importantly you make a complete tit out of yourself one day and she suddenly becomes lost to your suavery and aloofness.

But here's the worst part. Just as you are comfy in your bed, ready to fall asleep... all those things you did trying to empress her suddenly come flooding back to you. Only this time you are in that uncompromising third-person perspective and see that it was not only that last thing that made you a tit... but in fact everything you did. You were a tit all along. Like some twist ending to your whole relationship, screaming 'No, it can't be true! I was suave and aloof! I can't be a tit, I just can't!'

So please don't be all luvy-duvy with one another this Valentine's Day. Treat that special person as they should be treated. With genuiene kindness and loyalty. Because believe me, if you try and do anything special, you'll just be a tit.

Christian Fucking Bale!

2009-02-05T15:13:00.002Z

Oh dear, oh dear...

There are very few ways in which anyone could make the now infamous Christian Bale freakout clip any funnier.

But I think turning it into a dance track is probably the top trump.

America HATES Porn!!!

2009-02-02T19:27:00.002Z

Yeah, you heard me. I've come this conclusion after reading this news article.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7864733.stm

And if you can't read it, it's about a small town TV broadcaster in America who had it's wires crossed during the Superbowl and began broadcasting a porn film.

But it is full of quotes like 'dismayed and disappointed' and 'received calls from furious viewers'. Does that mean that there are people out there, so into the Superbowl, that they would complain about seeing some tits? At what point do you think after they made that 'furious' call, they thought to themselves; 'Shit! I just paid for a phone call to complain that I saw what could only be described as a Shanghai Happy-Meal!'?

Of course this brings up the hardcore retarded reaction America made about the Janet Jackson 'Half-flash' a few years ago. So i think next year I will be watching the Superbowl, just to see if those overly sexual Superbowl adverts finally cross the threshold and 'KICK OUT THE CLAMS, MOTHERFUCKER!'

I finally happened...

2009-01-18T14:02:00.002Z

After weeks of suspense and nervous worrying, I have finally managed to get ill.

Was surprisingly easy as it turns out. Hardly had to lift a finger and before you knew it I was ankle deep in stale vomit and cold sweat. Say what you want about British winters, at least our viruses are timely and efficient.

Of course this does mean that I'm on medication for the next couple of days, and will no doubt develop a few bed sores as I attempt to watch every zombie DVD I own back-to-back until I feel well enough to make some toast again.

The only thing missing from this dream of existent is a job. Because everyone knows that the only fun in being ill is getting time off work. But like me, you don't have a job then it's just like every other day. Except with more mucus.

Just a thought...

2009-01-08T14:37:00.001Z

I've just noticed that the Postie is still wearing shorts. It's minus 2 outside!

Put some jeans on man

One of those days

2009-01-08T14:21:00.002Z

I just saw something which was just truly very special.

I was walking back from the barbers a minute ago when I saw a very distinct car heading passed me. It was a baby pink Ford Ka... with racing stripes! Ok, whatever, I'm not gonna judge.

But what made this car even better was the clearly pissed off middle-aged male driver of this vehicle. But I'm not gonna make jokes about it being his because it was obviously not... mainly because of how he was dressed.

He had obviously realised that he was gonna have to drive the sugar-plum fairy's car today so he made an extra effort to make himself more masculine. In a hope to, I don't know... repel the pre-pubescent estrogen.

So his driving attire became a hard-hat, fluorescent jacket, aviators and a cigarette between his teeth. Now to him, he probably thought he looked tough, brutish and manly. But when you're driving a car that looked like it was found in Hello Kitty's litter tray, you just look like washed up member of the Village People.

2009 + 1

2009-01-02T19:40:00.002Z

Well, this year is only a day and a half old but to be honest I am feeling better about it all ready.

For the first time in a long time, I woke up in a good mood. Mainly because 6Music were beaming out Red Hot Chili Peppers' 'Around the World'. So picture me in my PJ's, miming the lyrics with a mouthful of Shreddies.

And although I don't like trying to think about why this maybe, I have a theory. I think it's my conscience saying that 2008 was so shit for pretty much the whole world that the only way is up. And that is how I have started to think. Aside from losing a vital organ or impregnating a female, my life is pretty much at rock bottom as far as psychologically goes.

So I think 2009 should be good. Because let's face it, if it's as bad as last year, is there really much point.

2009?

2009-01-01T14:37:00.002Z

This is one of those nostalgia pieces written through the morning haze of an ill-tempered hangover. Also I'm feeling a bit pretentious, so ignore pretty much everything I say.

It's the first day of yet another year. Oh fucking great! Another start to another meaningless length of time. I'm not really sure I understand the human need to break up everything we need to do in life in accordance with years. Like New Year's Resolutions, a fresh start, that kind of thing. Why the need for a year to start that? Why haven't you already started? Why have you let time pass when you could have started that diet or quit smoking earlier?

The point of new year's eve is literally just an excuse to drink. Hell, I celebrate the beginning of every week with a drink. Not for symbolic reasons, just because its a reason.

So I urge anyone who got this far to do what you want to do now. Putting it off for new year means you probably aren't all that interested in it anyway.

Just treat life as what it is, a chance to do anything you want.

Christmas and Santa - Connection?

2008-12-24T19:10:00.002Z

Yes, as it happens.

Here is an exert of a conversation I had with my Dad earlier.

Me: But surely Santa is a cruel myth because you are giving something that doesn't exist credit for your work.
Dad: Isn't that what Christianity is?

And their we have it. The cynical, atheist link between Santa and Christmas.

Merry Christmas chumps! :)

My so-called life

2008-12-05T13:02:00.003Z

Don't worry, It's not about the show. I just felt like writing about my life as is the usual topic of posting on a blog. The only reason I don't write about my everyday happenings is because I'm not usually that self-obsessed. Plus the only people who would find my life interesting is me (And even that's a shaving of the truth).

My life of a few months in one paragraph.

I lost my job six months ago at XFM. Have spent that time in and out of the dole office while working day-jobs throughout. Two months ago, I retrieved my job at XFM (although with less hours but more pay). And am still looking for another job to keep me financially stable again. Just had a job interview to teach radio at my old college. Which if I get will mean the world to me. Mainly because I get to talk about my chosen profession to the so-called 'stars of tomorrow', which to me sounds like some 70's B-movie starring an over-weight yet compelling William Shatner battling sun-aliens of the future.

Which if any movie producers are reading, is not a good idea for a film. Neither is remaking classic sci-fi's like 'The Day the Earth Stood Still' or High School Music 4. Which if they ever did make would become the 4th Horseman to the motion picture apocalypse. Spelling the end to good taste and creative thinking across the world. I mean, I have no problem with the actors in these films. I just think that if I were ever offered a role in such a film, I would be concerned why the job description would include the line: 'Souls only. No CVs accepted'.

Ok, I will stop this rant before I get out of hand and start talking about who might be the anti-christ again.

Much love

Internet Stuff, Yeah?

2008-12-03T13:04:00.001Z

We all know that the Internet is good for a laugh. We've all seen two girls vomit in each others mouths (www.thatsphucked.com/post/2007/11/2-girls-1-cup-video.aspx) and a midget dancing in a Chuck Norris costume (www.chucknorrismidget.com). Hell, I've even seen a girl fart on a cake for sexual pleasure (www.cakefarter.com).

But today there is new awesomeness on the net. Firstly, a company called the QPR Institute (http://www.qprinstitute.com/) Although they are nothing to do with the football team, their supporters could soon be part of the client base as they are an organisation that teaches you how to prevent suicides. They expect you to pay them, in order to learn how to stop a suicidal person from committing suicide. I don't know about you but from my experience suicidal tendencies, large amounts of human contact from ill informed strangers is usually the reason you want to commit suicide.

And secondly, possibly the best news story concerning come-up pence ever! I think it's best if you just read this one: http://www.ksdk.com/news/local/story.aspx?storyid=161348&catid=3

Fuck Baillie!

2008-11-26T11:12:00.002Z

Ok, well I'm writing this for two reasons. Firstly, it's a warm up to start writing something else, plus an excuse to get this bint off my chest.

Georgina Baillie, what the fuck is up with this obscenely fame-hungry social succubus.

I'm just trying to level up the hypocrisy in what she has been doing. She, of course, is now known as the person at the centre of the Brand/Ross/Manuel scandal. But why is she there?

Let's weigh up the facts here. Brand and Ross made some obscene phone-calls to so-called 'national treasure' Andrew Sachs. Ross made the comment about Brand sleeping with his granddaughter and then they sang him a song as an apology. Not really much there to be honest. Only two people complained when it was broadcast. That was until the fetus-munching cretins of the national press got involved and that 2 became thousands within days.

Of course, what they printed in their rags was what I have just told you. Yes, it is complain worthy at first glance but what they left out of their reports was, literally, journalism. They didn't give a single mention of any additional information concerning the story. This included the oh-so minor fact that Brand DID sleep with Baillie. There was no libel case here because the accusations made were true. And that Andrew Sachs did not what the issue to go any further (after all, they only called him because he was due to appear on Brand's show and did not turn with letting them know).

The only reason this spun way out of hand was due to the aforementioned self proclaimed Satanic slut Georgina Baillie. A possible living life-lesson in the making, as of course we are used to see people who act like this in films get their comeuppance sooner or later.

Ok, yeah, she was 'offended' by the remarks made. God knows why. But then she has the tenacity to strip off for Zoo magazine. Fucking topless in one the cheapest, nastiest, wouldn't-buy-it-even-if-an-immediate-wank-was-needed-or-my-balls-would-explode magazines on the rack of magazines for men who are afraid of vaginas. 'How dare you make remarks about my sex life on national radio... but here's my tits!'

As far as I am concerned Georgina Baillie has cost two talented people their jobs and had one of the most hard-working men in TV suspended from his contract. For an incident that shouldn't have gone anywhere.

So if you were one of those people that complained dispite never hearing what was said, Fuck off and next time why not turning over the channel and watching something that doesn't offend you. After all, we all have to watch TV and some of us aren't so put off by something as stupid as all this.

Chinese Democracy

2008-11-20T20:00:00.002Z

Well, I am currently listening to a preview copy of the new Guns n Roses album 'Chinese Democracy'. I am only a few songs in but there is one thing that I can't help but notice about this album. Axl Rose has pulled a Madonna. I know that may not make the most sense so I'll explain.

I was watching some trashy MTV show a few years ago and the TV bint was talking about Madonna and how she 'reinvented' herself by following the contemporary sound of that particular time in music. In other words, Madonna rips off other popular artists in order to shift records.

Now if we take this ethos to Chinese Democracy, you can hear direct rip offs in almost every song (Ironically enough, Velvet Revolver seems to be the main influence on title track 'Chinese Democracy' and 'Shakler's Revenge' could easily have been a Rob Zombie outake. Hell, even 'Streets of Dreams' has a Caleb from Kings of Leon vocal style to it).

Aside from the musical plagerism, I find it very difficult to hate this album. It took 14 years, $13 million and a flood of changing band members to make it, so it really should be the best damn album ever (in theory). But its not. To be honest, it feels like an album which would have been forgotten about by Christmas just because it lacks any really effort. If it was going to go anywhere, it would have needed more potential than 'Appitite for Destruction'.

Instead, its a mediocre recording with ever questionable vocals from Axl Rose and a 'cut and pasting' of the most popular rock genres of the last decade. But at least it has a better production job than 'Death Magnetic'.

Real-Life Metaphor

2008-11-15T00:00:00.002Z

Today, I experienced a real life metaphor. I had to trim the edges of two doors in the house so they fitted in the frame. One of them had never fit its frame, while the other had only recently started to sink closer to the floor.

Now for the metaphor, in its full beard-stroking glory: Fix a door that once held its frame is easy, Fix a door that never held its frame takes an hour and makes you miss The Simpsons.

I'm not sure when in life this metaphor fits, but any ideas, answers on a postcard.

Dead Set

2008-10-14T16:27:00.001+01:00

I am someone who finds it very hard to get excited about new TV shows. Usually because they don't live up to the hype or I don't fancy taking an hour out of my social life each week to watch them. But when Charlie Brooker decides to combine Big Brother and zombies, I can't help but grab my groin in excitement.

It's going to be called 'Dead Set' and is going to be shown on E4 in the next few months. From what I can gather, the story is that while Big Brother is going on, a zombie outbreak occurs. Leaving the housemates obvious to what is going on outside (until they get evicted anyway).

Charlie Brooker, the man behind Screenwipe and Nathan Barley, finally looks like he is going to poke fun at reality TV the way it should be done. By watching the contestants get ripped to pieces.

http://www.e4.com/deadset/flash.html

Oh Deer!

2008-09-01T12:24:00.000+01:00

Last night, I had one of those once in a lifetime deals which was confusing, nerve-racking and eventually fucking terrifying. So I'll try and tell the story as best I can.

After getting home from the pub last night at about 1:30am (It was a long drive home), I got dropped off near the path into my estate and started walking back to the house. It was a really quiet night, mainly because it was the middle of the night on a Sunday/Monday morning. So as I am walking from the side road to the main road down the middle of my estate, I was confronted. Not by people, but by deer. Two fucking deer were in the middle of the road just staring at me.

After the three of us shared puzzled looks for a few seconds, I continued to walk to my house. Which was unfortunately in the direction of the deer. But after a few paces, they quickly bolted down the road. However they did go to the part of road that I live on, and I'm right at the end. So now one way or another I needed to walk past them.

As I got to almost half way down my section of road, the deer were still looking at me. And as I was not slowing down, the mother deer obviously thought that I was a threat and began darting left to right and bucking on her hind legs. This is when I thought Bambi's Mum was about to lay the smackdown on me. So I stopped walking and the deer shortly stopped bucking, but instead just stood there at me, not moving with her calf behind her.

After I thought she had calmed down, I thought it was safe to start to walk again. The deer didn't move though. So I kept on walking, trying to steer left of the deer but it still wasn't moving. And once I had gotten to the closest I was going to get to it as I was walking past (about 6ft), it lunged at me and bit into my right arm. It was so painful but I tried not to yell so I wouldn't wake the neighbours. Instead I kicked the deer somewhere between the lower neck and upper chest. She quickly let go of me after that and ran off down the road.

However the bite had gone through the skin with almost every tooth mark. So I had to call an ambulance. It came after about 10 minutes and I just sat against my garage door because I thought if I went inside I'd get blood everywhere. The paramedics were great though. They got me in the ambulance really quickly and without asking too many questions.

Once at the hospital, they gave me a shot of something with a very long name. All I can tell you is that it could help against any infection I might have. They also took a sample of my blood to test it in case I had caught anything. They said it would be 2-3 weeks before I found out the result, so I'm a little nervous right now. But I'm sure I'll be fine. Once that was all done, they bandaged me up and sent me home with a note that basically said that if I start feeling sick to call the number on there and I could be seen by one of there doctors later that day. Which was pretty nice of them...

Actually, that whole last bit didn't happen. After our Mexican stand-off, the mother deer ran off with her calf behind some cars and around me to get out of the road. So I just walked the rest of the way to my house and went to bed. So you can see why I made up the other ending.

Holiday in Devon

2008-08-02T15:47:00.001+01:00

Well, In a much needed cobweb blowing escapade, I went on holiday to Devon. Wasn't really a proper holiday though, it was much better than that. My friend Nim has a couple of parents who live out in the country and so we rudely decided to crash at their place for five days. It was awesome and loads of fun was had.

But now onto the laughter. On one of the nights driving back from the civilisation to the wilderness, I was shall we say 'feeling a bit weird'. So I waited for the conversation in the car to die down before shouting the word 'BADGER!' at the top of my voice for really no reason. Nim had the shit scared out of her and Will was laughing his arse off. However, Steve did not take too kindly to a half-cut moron in the backseat shouting 'BADGER!' at the top of his lungs into his ear. Revenge was swiftly taken.

We had been driving down a country path for a good ten minutes by now and the sun had been down for about an hour. So to say it was pretty dark is a royal understatement. It was darker than dark. The sky was overcast so no moonlight, no stars, no streetlights for at least ten miles. We were in bat country!

So Steve decides to stop the car, turn off the engine and turn off the headlights. Just by doing that he managed to bring out a primal fear of the dark I never knew I had. Mainly because I had never been somewhere so dark outdoors before. And I think its fair to say that I may have screamed like a little girl. I was shaking up a treat! Probably because we had stopped next to a gate and my mind in that position was 'gates are the front doors of serial killers'. And so after about a minute of this, Steve turned on the car and its headlights and drove us home.

However I only wished that when he did turn the headlights back on, there indeed was a badger sitting patiently for us in the road.

Bad times

2008-07-24T20:07:00.002+01:00

Well, I am now in the ever growing pool of human conscienceness known as the unemployed. Quite a deep pool really. Probably enough to drown in and you certainly wouldn't want to drink it.

The reason for this of course is due to new bosses in the company coming in and deciding that I'm just not worth the money. Which is of course is such a welcome blow to my self esteem as this was now two weeks ago and I'm still not getting any call back.

On the bright side, it has given me a chance to have some fun. Was working on the set of Mock the Week the other day, which was mighty exciting. And my website should finally be up once I get my last pay cheque. Then the fun can really start.

Well, thats all for now. I'm off to watch Mock the Week to see if they stole any of my jokes...

Best Fetish Ever!

2008-07-09T15:59:00.001+01:00

During one of my usual YouTube browsing, I stumpled across a very strange video.

It was of a woman in a PVC cat-suit flirting with the camera and giving it all that (so to speak). That is until a cream pie is thrown at her face. She appears to be getting turned on by this, so she gets another thrown at her. And another. She is clearly having way too much fun.

Then the camera cuts to the same girl sitting provocatively on a wooden chair before being given a 'Noel's House Party' style gunging.

It's wonderful, hilarious and a must-see family favourite. Unforunately, the youtube channel it's on doesn't let you embed their videos so I'll just tell you the name of the youtube channel: barbarian4824

But there are many more than just that one video, theres about 40.

Check them out and spread the word.

More Barrel Scraping to Come

2008-07-04T20:38:00.001+01:00

For those of you who are fans of such shows as 'Britains Got Talent', 'X Factor', 'Grease is the Word', 'Pop Idol', 'Any Dream will Do', 'How to Solve a Problem like Maria', 'Chelsea Flower Show' and 'Britain's Favourite Turnip', you will be pleased to know that the BBC has not given up on the successful 'lets try and find talent in a bunch of medicore hacks' based programmes.

'Last Choir Standing' (I'm not joking, that is its name) is a new reality talent show pitting choirs of various styles against each other in a search to find Britain's best choir.

I have only one question: Why?

Why do we care or indeed why do we need to know. How will this improve our day to day live? Will we actually feel better when we send in our £1.25 a go text to send our favourite team through to the next round?

I'm not really having a go at the TV companies for this. Of course, the formula to these shows has been infinately successful. But Choirs?! I think it's got to the point where we are no longer scaping the barrel, but have punched a hole in the barrel and are now shovoling the shit the barrel is sitting in.

Douchebag of the Day

2008-06-29T20:31:00.000+01:00

If there was a daily competition to find a douchebag for every day in the forseeable future - Ian Usher would be a good place to start.

This guy decided that his divorce from his wife was so bitter, he had to sell anything associated with her. Which was coincidentally his whole life, and where would he put all his worldy goods up for sale... ebay of course!

This moron actually put his whole 'life' up on ebay in an open auction, which included his home, car, motorcycle, jet ski, a contract with his current employer and a personnal introduction to all his friends (None of whom have probably stuck around after they found out what he was up to).

But the dick only managed to round up £192,000 for it. Thats it! Not even £200,000 for his entire life. No wonder his wife left him. She probably saw him for the worthless prat he is and walked.

The extended story is here.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/7479836.stm

Week off

2008-06-26T20:05:00.002+01:00

Well, I'm about four days into my week off.

I've got about two bottles of Jack Daniels running stale in my veins while I plan the next drinking time. Really shouldn't be given time off because I obviously can't deal with not doing anything so I just turn to the bottle instead.

Also I think it's beginning to affect my mind. I've spent the last few days trying to base a religion around an oversized kettle chip. This is definately gonna be one of those jokes that gets way out of hand.

Toodles for now!

RIP George Carlin

2008-06-23T12:16:00.002+01:00

Well as some may have heard, George Carlin is dead. You can read the whole news article here:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/7468681.stm

And to those unfamiliar with his greatest work, here it is:

Sometimes, Commuting is Funny

2008-06-20T15:37:00.001+01:00

I'm writing this just because it is possibly one of the best things I have ever witnessed.

Tonight, I was catching my train back from London back home. The train was smaller than usual so it was quite cramped and all the seats were filled. I was sitting on a three-seat area with some youngish geezer type next to me and a well-aged woman the furtherest from myself.

After about 20 minutes on the train, the guy sitting next to me decided to sit further forward on his seat and perch on the edge. Why? Because the woman had begun to doze off and was repeatedly knocking her head on his shoulder. So obvious he was just trying to stop himself from getting annoyed.

But the absence of her human pillow didn't stop her from sleep bobbing and continued to let her head fall behind the guy. However, I noticed that the bobbing had ended and her head was now sliding behind the guy down as far as his lower back.

Now, you may think that you know where this story is going... but no.

At that point when her head was all the way down, she subconsciously realised where she was going and retracted. At the exact same, the train swerved quite violently. The effort of her pulling her head up plus the added momentum of the swerve propelled her from her seat, across the aisle, with her head landing perfectly between the legs of a sleeping businessman.

It was at this point that both the woman and businessman woke up to discover themselves in this extremely unusual position. The woman obvoiusly deeply embarrassed got out of his lap, apologised and sat back in her seat.

I don't think I have ever wanted to laugh so hard in my life. She got off about two stops later and as her feet hit the platform, about a dozen witnesses all simultaneously pissed themselves with laughter.

Milky Pumps

2008-05-26T20:13:00.000+01:00

Just a quick to inform you of possibly one of the greatest business models I have ever read.

Over in the British province known as the USA, some clever bastard has combined two of my greatest loves. Tits and coffee. There is actually a coffee shop over in America where all the baristas (sp?) are wearing either swim or underwear.

Of course the concept has been met with huge controversy (although I think the irony is that those stirring the controversy probably spat out there coffee after reading this).

I, of course, would embrace the idea of this being opened over here as a British franchise (mainly because I have a Y in my chromosome), however I probably wouldn't like to order a Frapachino with cream in there as in this context is does sound like pure smut.

If you don't believe me here's one of the news articles about it:

http://www.thenewstribune.com/news/local/story/368860.html

Just a quickie...

2008-05-20T23:18:00.002+01:00

Right, well its late and I've just got back from work but I just wanted to give a little heads up to people on the deodourant front.

There is this new chocolate deodourant that Lynx have just bought out. If you don't know its the one where the advert is saying 'if you spray this on yourself, girls will literally tear you apart limb by limb'. Although the cannibalism wasn't the reason I put it on, simply I ran out of my own brand so used my brothers Lynx instead.

And it burned like a motherfucker. There is no dignity in trying to wash off freshly sprayed on deodourant while he stinging pain causes your eyes to swell up so you end up looking like a demented mace victim.

Thats all I really had to say. Nothing much, just thought that others might get a kick out of my pain.

Warning: May contain peril

2008-05-19T23:48:00.001+01:00

Some scallies may tell you that working for a reputable radio station in the heart of London is one bloody great laugh. It is an endless menagerie of good times and heart-felt memories. Well they're bloody liars, and here's why:

Today I was working with fellow XFM minions, Brendan and Temoor, at the Astoria covering the Black Keys gig. It was the usual flyering and sign-ups that usually plague the shift of the street teamer. But as most will know the Astoria has a single-laned street next to it which is used to relieve the traffic coming out of Soho Square, and as we pretty much have to stand in that street to do our jobs, we would constantly have to move right up to the barrier to avoid joining the cyclists most of the cars are dragging around.

Anyway about half an hour into our shift and we see a fire-engine heading down the road (at full throttle I may add), so we made an unconscious decision the move to the other side of the road. Then as the fire-engine came hurtling towards us, it jumped the kerb and headed straight for me. It actually was going to hit me. I felt my life flash before my eyes (which as it turns out reminded me that I must get out more) as I saw my assassin through the windscreen. The dark and emptiness in his eyes let me know that he was not human, but a cold hard killer bent on mowing down innocent bystanders (or he was just tired).

But at the last second I leapt out of the way. Possibly yelping as I did so but as the siren was on, no-one had seemed to hear it. However what they did hear was the cursing I gave the driver as he was driving off in a sort of haven't-got-the-balls-to-s

ay-it-to-his-face kind of way.

I survived this time but always keep one eye over your shoulder because you never know when Fireman Slam is coming for you.