The BNP and Me

If you can't arsed to read this then I have recorded it as a podcast that you can listen to here: http://chrisbound.podbean.com/2009/06/26/bnp/

On the 5th June, at 2am, I was watching Sky News. Which is definitely something I recommend, especially if you have trouble sleeping due to the fear it seems to perpetuate. In about 20 minutes of watching this, I was convinced that my normal middle class neighbours were in fact a gaggle of Asian terrorists secretly breeding pitbulls with sharks in order to make a dog so full of bloodlust it’ll probably get lose and come round my house, punch my in the balls and eat my baby. This is of course the baby I accidentally conceived with a stranger by sitting too far forward on a unisex toilet. Complete piffle but in the realm of Sky News, highly plausible.
But the most noticeable thing about Sky News is of course the bright red banner displaying the words ‘Breaking News’. Something that Sky have up so often it has completely lost it’s affect. As all it does is show whatever the last piece of breaking news was until a newer one is dropped onto the editor’s desk in a very 1950’s Chicago Times kind of way. However all this attention on one story, that’s mostly feeble or over-exaggerate anyway, renders the whole thing boring in a matter of minutes. Something that was born on the screen less than an hour ago can become stale so quickly you begin hopelessly flicking on to Babestation in the hope of catching some minge. That was until the 5th June at 2am when Sky went into meltdown over the news that had just been reported. It simply said ‘BREAKING NEWS: BNP elected into European Parliament’.
After you return from the toilet because of the instant bowel movement you receive after those words reverberate around your ear for the first time, you then have to begin to digest them.
The first thing that I thought, was what an amazing oxymoron that phrase was. Here we have an extreme, right-wing, anti-European political party being voted into the European parliament to represent the British people in Europe. That must have been one of the most awkward government meetings ever.

Nick Griffin: Morning Krauts… Frogs… Polskis… I’d like to introduce myself, my name is Nick Griffin and I’m here on behalf of the British People to say ‘fuck your unified currency, fuck your cheap alcohol and fuck your liberal views towards prostitutes’

Just televise it round the clock and watch Britain suddenly swing it’s political pendulum to the left and we drag him out by his weird nazi trousers.
I’ve actually started a sweepstake to see which one of the countries will be the first to kick half a tonne of shit out of him. Only half a tonne, as the Europeans are very eco-friendly. I reckon it’s gonna be the Italians. Just wait for him to stand up one day and watch this cavalcade of scooters and Fiat Puntos flying towards in. If BBC Parliament suddenly becomes a Pay-Per-View service, that’s when you get down the bookies and start watching.
I’d love to see Nick Griffin traveling round Europe. Just watching him driving round Italy and he’s the only one wearing a crash helmet. And he’s in the back seat of a car. Being driven around in an old mini cooper with a union jack on it, which of course he’ll think is a bold two fingers approach to the Italians dealing with a gang of gold thieves from a fictional film in the 1960’s starring Michael Caine. When really, it just makes the sniper’s job easier.
Cos that did annoy me after he got elected. A few days later he was making a press conference about his win and suddenly protesters appear and begin pelting him with eggs. Which is really not on, you know. There’s a recession on for fuck sake. Eggs are like £4 a dozen at the moment. Now rocks. Their free. And freely available from almost any roadside. Actually fuck that, we’ll wait until he does a press conference from Brighton. Take him down to the beach and just wait to see how long it takes him to work out that Brighton beach is all of a sudden pebble-less. Tell the Scots about it. Any accuse to bludgeon a discriminative Englishman, eh. Tell them this can dress as William Wallace and just watch them move from out of the highlands.
A lot of people have also crammed the BNP in with the Nazis, which is fair as some of their policies have a lot in common. But one similarity did in fact chill me to the core. You may have heard of the Hitler’s Youth, where small but select groups of children were kept entertained socially by each other while at the same time were force fed the ideals of the Nazi government. Yeah, turns the out the BNP have the same thing. Young kids are being turned into little fascists under to regime of their boss-eyed, podgy, pleb who probably has more DNA in common with a pumice stone than he does with you or me. And how many of you thought the same thing I did after hearing that. What’s wrong with Scouts? You know, dib-dab-dob, or yabba-dabba-do or summat with that 3 fingered salute. Come on? Whats wrong with that? Instead we’ve got this hideous mutant hybrid.

SCOUT LEADER: Gather round everyone. Now everyone, Timmy has completed another task in order to collect another badge so congratulate him on getting his Level 2 lynching badge. (clapping) Now kids did everyone remember to bring in their white pillow cases?
KIDS: Yeah!
SL: Great! So everyone put them on your head and me and Scout Leader Herr Bill will get things started. Here Timmy, as you’ve done so well this week, you can set fire to the cross.

Makes you wonder what really goes on in there. Are they making there toggles from the vertebrae of a Hungarian asylum seeker or something. To be honest I wouldn’t put it passed them.

But I do have a point to this ramble and basically it’s this. The BNP think that the boarders of a country have an importance to the identity of a person. Which they don’t. Your nationality is nothing more than wherever your mother happened to be standing when her water broke. That’s it. But people believe that Great Britain is great because it’s in our blood and only true blood Britain’s should be allowed to live and work here. And if that’s your opinion, I won’t argue with it because it’s an opinion and everyone is entitled to one. But if you are sitting at home round right now because you are unemployed and have been blaming it on immigrants and asylum seekers taking your job, think about exactly what you’re saying. You’re saying that someone who doesn’t speak a word of English, hasn’t been given a British education which currently stands as the best in Europe and has no understanding of the culture, etiquette or traditions of this land… can do your job better than you can. Hmm… Maybe it’s time you got out of the fucking country. Great Britain was made great by people of all nations working together who worked their arses off and earned the right to be here and didn’t sponge there lives away by exploiting the welfare system. Hopefully that’ll stick in some people’s mind and someone at British Airways will be trying helplessly to explain to the shareholders why single fare tickets to Benidorm are up 4000%.