Val-En-Tines-A-Comin

Shit, piss, ball-monkeys and other great swearing still to come, the great war of Valentine's Day is soon upon us.

And of course, it is a war. An emotional war! A war between the depressed and lonely singletons and the loved-up but probably still depressed couples. We fight for the upper hand to see which out of us is the dominant force over Valentine's Day. Although recently, I don't think we've been fighting as much as we used to. I've noticed that the couples among us are just as put off by the idea of Valentine's Day as the singletons. But why I hear you scream at your monitor? Why do we hate to love?

The answer of course is because it's shit! It's shit to be in love because when we are in love we do things that any normal person would see as a bad fucking move! Take the example of a crush. When you have a crush, you automatically start texting cheesy comments over to them (although at the time they seem suave and aloof), you do things that cost extremely large amounts of money and time just to see them for a few minutes and most importantly you make a complete tit out of yourself one day and she suddenly becomes lost to your suavery and aloofness.

But here's the worst part. Just as you are comfy in your bed, ready to fall asleep... all those things you did trying to empress her suddenly come flooding back to you. Only this time you are in that uncompromising third-person perspective and see that it was not only that last thing that made you a tit... but in fact everything you did. You were a tit all along. Like some twist ending to your whole relationship, screaming 'No, it can't be true! I was suave and aloof! I can't be a tit, I just can't!'

So please don't be all luvy-duvy with one another this Valentine's Day. Treat that special person as they should be treated. With genuiene kindness and loyalty. Because believe me, if you try and do anything special, you'll just be a tit.